cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
