he wants to bone in the snuggie
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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