Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i think i have two assholes
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
