I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
