Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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