i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
