I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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