If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Who died my cat blue again?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
