I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
