hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
