I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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