Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
