she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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