It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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