I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
