shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
