Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
