YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
