I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
