Rock
Scissors
Fuck
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
