It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
