just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
