It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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