someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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