Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
