I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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