i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
