my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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