I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
