Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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