nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
only you would photoshop your dick
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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