so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
