I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
