she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
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