My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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