not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
