I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
should my penis look like a turkey
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
