I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
