I seem to have left my pride at pride
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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