were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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