I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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