My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
