just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
