yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
