she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
When did angry sex become our thing?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
