well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
