so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
