Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
