Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
