What did we do last night that was yellow?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
