My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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